in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
