It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
