you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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