last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
