Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
