; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
