either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
