Someone shit on the floor
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
