i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
