I just threw up on my dentist
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
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someone owes me an orgasm
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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