I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
