No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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