WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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