I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
