i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
