you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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