Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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