Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
