we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We left an ass print on the piano.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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