Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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