Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
