I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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