Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
