There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
