just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
