I faked an abortion last night.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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