She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
