I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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