he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"