I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy