I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
