Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

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  (314): First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom. http://tfl.nu/gkr4
  Replies (13) Good night (986) Bad night (3836)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be

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  (507): Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be http://tfl.nu/9ozv
  Replies (29) Good night (4673) Bad night (752)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too

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  (610): on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too http://tfl.nu/acnp
  Replies (6) Good night (675) Bad night (4103)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

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  (620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0
  Replies (42) Good night (10157) Bad night (1567)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.

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  (843): i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding. http://tfl.nu/yb0x
  Replies (15) Good night (1392) Bad night (3502)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.

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  (610): Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight. http://tfl.nu/6ipq
  Replies (2) Good night (3797) Bad night (2018)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.

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  (540): Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft. http://tfl.nu/aaf2
  Replies (3) Good night (3162) Bad night (717)
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  (760): View more from California

  all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.

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  (760): all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing. http://tfl.nu/78qs
  Replies (6) Good night (1992) Bad night (708)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  ...

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  (678): Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark (1-678): ... http://tfl.nu/supo
  Replies (8) Good night (1555) Bad night (780)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.

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  (517): all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings. http://tfl.nu/fkoc
  Replies (5) Good night (2455) Bad night (731)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.

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  (780): I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall. http://tfl.nu/azun
  Replies (5) Good night (762) Bad night (634)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.

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  (604): I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse. http://tfl.nu/53yl
  Replies (13) Good night (1305) Bad night (1361)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.

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  (701): I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control. http://tfl.nu/z8ao
  Replies (4) Good night (617) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.

  (510): View more from California

  I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.

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  (620): I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween. (510): I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween. http://tfl.nu/39pv
  Replies (3) Good night (826) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!

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  (414): At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi! http://tfl.nu/7j12
  Replies (4) Good night (762) Bad night (356)

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