I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself