that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.