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• (757): View more from Virginia

  he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.

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• (626): View more from California

  While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (315): View more from New York

  I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  First world problems.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?

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• (516): View more from New York

  Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"

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