whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
