Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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