worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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