Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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