im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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