I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
