Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
