fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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