I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
