Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
