I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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