i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
