Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  : I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  but u need boobs to get one in the first place.

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  (301): : I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs. (1-301): but u need boobs to get one in the first place. http://tfl.nu/nypm
  Replies (4) Good night (605) Bad night (1159)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.

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  (502): She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her. http://tfl.nu/ymnu
  Replies (36) Good night (4679) Bad night (946)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.

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  (602): I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left. http://tfl.nu/dy5w
  Replies (6) Good night (776) Bad night (3885)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.

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  (425): Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts. http://tfl.nu/1fhj
  Replies (112) Good night (1445) Bad night (4389)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.

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  (913): I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough. http://tfl.nu/u5ru
  Replies (26) Good night (711) Bad night (4128)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.

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  (+44): chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome. http://tfl.nu/vhpn
  Replies (21) Good night (6795) Bad night (1084)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock

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  (443): WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock http://tfl.nu/0ctc
  Replies (4) Good night (3626) Bad night (974)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You're like the curious george of whores

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  (512): You're like the curious george of whores http://tfl.nu/l01l
  Replies (5) Good night (3523) Bad night (767)
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  (619): View more from California

  I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.

  (1-619): View more from California

  Very innocently.

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  (619): I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend. (1-619): Very innocently. http://tfl.nu/o8xf
  Replies (19) Good night (3015) Bad night (622)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.

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  (260): I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much. http://tfl.nu/tatw
  Replies (5) Good night (1004) Bad night (453)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.

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  (404): The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again. http://tfl.nu/6m3f
  Replies (5) Good night (579) Bad night (1057)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent

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  (404): Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent http://tfl.nu/17u7
  Replies (0) Good night (880) Bad night (386)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?

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  (859): Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less? http://tfl.nu/3zmk
  Replies (5) Good night (1164) Bad night (318)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it

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  (601): I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it http://tfl.nu/z5ku
  Replies (0) Good night (192) Bad night (325)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"

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  (503): But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!" http://tfl.nu/pacv
  Replies (0) Good night (833) Bad night (240)

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