I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
