So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
