oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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