I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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