bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
