Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
