i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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