This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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