you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize