Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
