there was a trapeze. enough said
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
