Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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