you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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