You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
