it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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