i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
