i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
