I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
