4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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