she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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