Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
