he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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