All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
