he thought i was a dude.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
