Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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