I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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