i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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