One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
