you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
