Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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